Originally published on Notes from the In-Between — now archived here for those who prefer to read between the lines.
She’s avoiding the knowing.
Recently, I caught myself aggressively reorganising a drawer that was already organised.
Not because it needed doing – but because my body refused to be still.
If I keep moving, I don’t have to decide. And, if I make the space neat, maybe the truth will arrive more softly when it does.
She’s here again.
That’s usually the moment Maude walks in.
Not your typical spirit guide, all glowing and ethereal. More a woman from the 1950s with perfect posture and a low, unimpressed tolerance for avoidance. The kind of presence who loves you, but will not co-sign your nonsense.
Pearl didn’t even lift her head. She started right at me and slowly blinked – once – in that way that says, “You’re back in it.” I didn’t feel any judgement. I felt seen.
And now you remember.
Ahh, yes. This is the In-Between. I know this feeling because I’ve been here before.
It’s not the aftermath. And it’s not yet the breakthrough.
It’s the moment where your body already knows… but your mind still pretends you don’t.
Don’t pretend you haven’t done this too.
Rearranging your environment so you don’t have to confront what you already know is true.
Telling yourself you’re “just resetting,” when you’re really trying to delay that familiar surge in your gut.
That’s the In-Between.
You’re not paralysed. What you are doing is preparing for the next step.
What you think is indecision is actually the body rehearsing for decision.
The pause isn’t the problem.
It’s the portal to possibility.
You won’t be alone in here.
In this space, three voices tend to show up (for me, anyway):
Mine. The human one. The one still negotiating with gravity, algorithms and pre-school schedules.
Maude. Sharp intelligence. The woman who sees patterns even faster than I do and has no patience for theatrics. Like a no-nonsense Nan.
Pearl. The part of you that already knows. Ancient, silent, precise. Pearl never rushes. She prefers to nap. Because, after all, she is a cat.
You might not believe in any of that.
But you’ll start to feel it, if you stick around long enough.
Listen.
I’m no guru. This isn’t meant to be motivation. It’s not even advice.
It’s tuning – like adjusting a 1950s radio until the static thins and the broadcast that’s already there finally comes through. You hear it. It’s real.
North Star Sessions sits above the In-Between – as a place where we listen properly. Before anything collapses. Before anything begins.
Pearl has the final word.
Pearl would say the broadcast was playing the whole time.
I just hadn’t tuned in yet.
Originally filed from the In-Between on November 19, 2025
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